Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Due Date

Today is my Due Date. 40 weeks. 9 months. That is how long it has been. The emotions of losing the baby that would have been due today is still raw - just as raw as the day I knew it was happening. Today we will not be cuddling our new baby. We will not be signing a birth certificate or giving our new little a name. I will not smell that newborn baby smell, or bond with our freshly baked babe. We will not be introducing Logan to his new sibling and breathing in the moment of watching our boy become a big brother. Today is my Due Date, but today is not the day.

I thought today would be excruciating. I thought I would feel like I am walking through fog. However, even though I am panged by a bit of sadness for what today could have brought, I am also feeling a sense of hope. I am hopeful that soon, we will be planning for our second child. As raw as the pain is, I am grateful for what I have.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day. It was a beautiful day in the middle of a bunch of yucky-weather days. My mom was here visiting, an as it always is when she is here, it was wonderful to have her. We went to church with The Jordan family and really enjoyed the people, the atmosphere, and the message of the day. All about Mom. We enjoyed brunch, the girls (moms) enjoyed a chick flick at the theatre, and we ended the night with a wonderful, Daddy-grilled dinner of steak, champagne, and chocolate covered strawberries. And let's not forget my gift...

I love my necklace so much. I love my boy even more.

Last night after a day of cuddling my sweet boy who is suffering from a nasty case of croup, he showed me that Mom is his #1. I mean, don't get me wrong, he loves his Daddy very much, but he is a Mommy's Boy at heart. I was getting dinner together and Brian was using the computer. Logan kept telling him "No! Daddy! That is Mommy's puter! Put it back!". He didn't give up until "Mommy's puter" was back where it goes (since everything in this house has a place ;). Then at dinner, Brian ate a piece of food off my plate and Logan gave him the stink-eye and said "Daddy, don't eat Mommy's dinner!". Kid has got my back... fo sho...

So today I may not be cuddling a new baby. I won't be picking out a going home outfit, or getting out all those newborn essentials from storage. But what I will be doing is counting all of my blessings, and let me tell you, I have a lot.

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