Better than a Five Dollar Footlong?

I have to say I encountered many "interesting" situations working in the Staffing Industry that yielded some pretty entertaining stories. Like the guy that left my desk, MID-INTERVIEW to ride his bike around the parking lot and DRINK A BEER! Or the story of the chick who, post-interview, proceeded to eat and entire business card at the interviewers desk. She ate it. As in, ingested the business card. Yep. While these stories were entertaining, and quite unique, NONE of them compare to the endearing stories I will be able to tell from being with kids all day.

Have you all heard the Five Dollar Footlong story?

This is a conversation I had with Ava, Alanna's older sister who is 4-years-old.

Ava: I have a piggy bank

Me: Awesome! How much money do you have saved?

Ava: 5 DOLLARS!

Me: That's great! What are you saving up for?

Ava: A Five Dollar Footlong...

Classic. I will never in my life forget the hilarity of that day because I laughed so hard that I thought nothing else a kid could say could compare to the humor of that story... that is, until today.

I have to preface the story with this YouTube video. Please go watch this now. Trust me, it is VERY important to the story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM

Ok, you back? Funny, no? Brian showed me this video about a month ago and understanably, I laughed pretty hard.

Ok, so flash forward to today. I am sitting on the couch with Alanna, reading a book. Logan, Nile, and Eliza are all sitting at the little table working on a puzzle when I hear Nile, in and ENGLISH ACCENT, say "Ouch, Charlie bit me" while Eliza pinches his shoulder. I slowly look up because I couldn't understand how Nile got my computer downstairs, found the YouTube video and pushed play, because, I mean, he is only two! I swear to you, it sounded EXACTLY like the big brother in the video. EXACTLY! I was in completely shock that I heard Nile say this, so I asked him calmly, "Nile? What did you just say?" and he's all "Charlie bit me!" in the best English Accent I have ever heard, while pointing at Eliza. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Mind you, this is the same child who, in the beginning of the week, was referring to Eliza as Baliza. Ba-Liza.

Consider this my "high five" to the internet for imapacting the life of a two-year-old. Love it.

My son, the Boxer

And not the Wrigley-dog kind. The fighting kind, because have you seen this poor kids face lately?



He seems to be taking it all in stride, actually. After the "train track incident" I thought his poor face would be spared from additional mishappenings, but then he had an unfortuante face meet staircase banister encounter, followed by a forhead to train table confrontation. Poor kid needs a helmet. There is a Christmas Gift idea for you.

Dear Logan....

Dear Logan,

Your favorite food is homemade Split Pea Soup. That's awesome.

Love, Mommy

OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!!!!!

Ok so you remember my post about the spider in the Congo?
http://myprojectmommyhood.blogspot.com/2009/07/good-bad-and-ugly.html

Well, the situation I had this morning might as well have been a 5ft spider encounter. I reacted the same as if it was!

I was the first to take my long commute to work - you know, from upstairs to downstairs - and immediately spotted the intruder. A HUGE black spider on the ceiling in the living room. He seemed to be either napping, or plotting his evil attack on the household - probably the latter - so I took the time to plot my own plan:

Step 1 - watch the spider
Step 2 - make sure he DOES NOT MOVE
Step 3 - wait very patiently for Brian to come downstairs to take care of said spider.

Brian came downstairs and I pointed out the spider and asked him to kill it. Well, that is where the plan went TERRIBLY wrong. What I should have done was give Brian a step-by-step action plan on how exactly to remove the spider, because as we know, they are known to ATTACK! Sadly, I did not give an action plan, and instead watched in horror as Brian stood on the couch and end table, teetering and reaching to get the spider when the beast JUMPED OFF THE CEILING, TRIED TO EAT HIS ARM, LANDED IN THE OVERSTUFFED CHAIR, and went missing. Did you hear that? IT IS MISSING! I yelled at Brian as if he had just lost our house and life savings in a poker game (sorry honey, really, I'm sorry) and made him scour the area for the missing intruder. He is nowhere ot be found. Brian of course had to leave for work, but I have to stay here!!! The first thought in my head was to EVACUATE, but I just can't do that! I have kids to care for! Do you think one of them will kill it for me when it shows its evil face - guns a blazing?!

That's my boy!!!

This afternoon, when I was about to reinact that scene from Overboard where Goldie Hawn is glassy-eyed and going "ba ba ba ba ba ba ba", Logan made me stop and realize, again, that it is worth it!

We have a sofa table near the front window of the living room that has a few picture frames, and a small glass Kate Spade candle and candle holder. Logan often has a fascination with picking up the candle holder and practice putting the candle in it.... well, he knows better, people. Really, he does. I caught him red-handed and asked him nicely to please put it back. Well, he DID! But... that is not the amazing part. The amazing part is that he put it back, turned to walk away, caught the object out of the corner of his eye, turned back around, and ADJUSTED THE CANDLE HOLDER so that is was in the exact spot it should be - about one inch from where he had it. He was satisfied with the new placement, and went on to play.

Yep, if it were ever questioned, he is my son. Call it OCD, call is pure awesomeness.... whatever. Now there are TWO of us! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Back Off, Elmo!!

Tonight I was in the shower, Brian was mowing the lawn, and Logan was quietly reading a book and working on a puzzle in our bedroom. He realized he was a couple puzzle pieces short, so he went over to the basket that had the pieces, reached in, and UH OH! - woke up that crazy talking Elmo doll! Logan FREAKED out, backed up about 4 feet saying "Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh, uh oh... I NEED MY FOOTBALL!". He ran over to the bed, and reached up saying "I NEED MY FOOTBALL!" (side note: His football is his security item. It is a little terry football rattle that he adores). I got out of the shower, gave him the football and asked him if he wanted me to take care of Elmo:
Me: Logan would you like me to put Elmo away?
Logan: Uh Huh!
Me: Do you like Elmo?
Logan: nooooo
Me: Should I put him in the closet?
Logan: UH HUH!

***

Earlier tonight, after dinner, Logan pinched his finger on the buckle -
Logan: OOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIEEEE!!!
Me: Oh no! Did you pinch your finger?
Logan: (whining) UHHHH HUUUUUHHHH!!!
Me: Oh! Does it huuurrrttt!!??
Logan: (Crying) UUUHHHH HUUUUUHHH!!!
Me: Should mommy kiss it?
Logan: uh huuuuhhhh....
Me: (*Kiss* the owie)Is that better?
Logan: Yep.

I have no idea where he got his dramatic nature from... Brian I assume....